culturallybankrupt:

home alone? did you mean time to practice for my broadway debut?

(via thisnameisprobablystupid)

i-learned-it-from-the-pizzaman:

So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my class said “but both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown eyes”.  The teacher said “so you’re adopted”.  THe next day the kid came in and told us that he confronted his parents about it and that they said he was adopted but wanted to wait for the right time to tell him.  

(via russiansailor)

meladoodle:

one time me and my sister changed the ringtone of my dad’s phone to a recording of us saying ‘I JUST SHAT MY PANTS’ and it went off in an art gallery

(via totallyadam)

bloodmagik:

when people say they like a band but dont know the drummers grandmas maiden name

(Source: salty-cheeks, via totallyadam)

thelittleturtleduck:

Looks:
Personality:

(via slenclerman)